Obviously...

As you can see I'm choosing to retool my blog. It was in need of a renovation- perhaps that would inspire me to want to write more. I took a little blog hiatus but the time has come to give it new life again...
A few things that you may have missed since the last night I wrote in- we're gonna do this in bullets:

-attended and finished ACTF. My dear friend Suki received a thousand dollar scholarship to attend a Playwrighting/Directing/Acting New Works workshop for two months in New York City for it. (where she is currently at as I type)

-Hye Soo & Eric combined their lives together and were married beginning of this year- they are now pregnant and are expecting a baby boy @ the end of this year.

-I finally got a job, two in fact. I currently am working as a Ticket Agent for Utah Symphony/Utah Opera, AND as Front of House Manager @ the Deer Valley Music Festival up in Park City Utah on the weekends.

-Learned how to ride a motorcycle
-Alison finally finished Harry Potter
-Discovered Dirpy.com
-Ali & Dan got some chickens so we've all been getting rural.

-I was in my first paid professional gig this last Spring (first of many let's hope). Meat & Potato Co. production of Everyman and we performed for three weeks @ the Rose Wagner Theater downtown. I played the roles of 2nd Horseman (War), God, Goods, and a Devil.

Anything else important? Been on two dates, took two trips to Canada, visited my old home in Washington.... a little over two weeks ago my best friend, my little white dog Keemo went on ahead and we put him to sleep. It was very hard but a perfect send off to the friend who's been a tender mercy for me & my family since he came into our lives fifteen years ago.
Finished Lovely Bones, Wuthering Heights, & am now starting my Jane Austen's with Northanger Abbey. Attended some concerts: Ben Folds, The Twilight Sad, Beirut & the worst concert ever- Modest Mouse. (They performed great when you could hear 'em- the crowd was awful!)
With my new job I'm staying true and loyal to my goal to move to London in about a year and a half. I had to add 6 months to that goal as it took me sixth months to actually find a job...
I'm going to start to make weekly goals to stay on track with some of the creative projects that I've wanted to undertake. For example, my Music Blog that I mentioned last February is well on it's way and I should be adding information on a new band within this week... but I also want to get started on my Family Monologues.

So a bunch of projects- but that'll be good as I've got some time to kill.

Music Review Blog_check

Project one is well on it's way! I've mentioned earlier that one of my projects for this year was to create two writing projects- and one of them is on it's feet- the bones are there & it's ready to go.  

I've created a 'Tumblr' account for it- and every month I will be adding my grammatical error'd reviews for albums, new artists (maybe artists that aren't new but I think deserve a closer look) movie scores- all that good stuff.  So if you're interested- if you can stand all my comma slices- then please come check out my new music review blog.

hear--here.tumblr.com

As far as life goes- it's tao.  I'm back from my month's excursion in Cedar City- preforming 'Origins' @ ACTF at Dixie State and @ UVU.  Performing it at UVU again next Saturday.  Got my Neil Simon Festival callbacks next saturday @ BYU.  Obviously have enough time on my hands to create my music blog- one of the writing projects I want under my belt- got a job interview for a job here in Salt Lake- excited for my sister to come home today as she's been with her husbands family down in Texas.  Mom & I are enjoying the Olympics', watching Canada sweep the Olympics' as usual.  My Keemo is looking healthy, better than when first came home from Cedar-

So things are good- to be expected.  

Future creative plans-

Alright- so I've been inspired.

Two projects.

Two new different blogs.

For quite sometime I've had some idea's that I wanted to put into practice.  Recently a friend of mine after hearing previously stated wishes simply told me: well then you should do it.

Funny that all I needed was that phrase to get started.  

So I'm doing it.  Two new blogs, the first: a music blog. With each entry that I've done with 'P.L.A.Y' there's been a bit of music bit @ the end but I want to do a full out Music review blog- where the music (that I investigate monthly anyway) will be review and processed by me- that people can read if they so choose.

The second blog project is one a little more personal to me.  I shall be creating a blog/book of my family.  A family history organized & displayed through monologues.  Recently I was in a production called 'Origins; a Source, a Beginning' (I think I've mentioned it before).  It recently has been remounted and preformed at UTA (Utah Thespian Association) and will performing next week @ the American College Theatre Festival (which I competed in last year).  Yes I am out of college now- but this was submitted before I graduated back from when we did it last April. 'Origins' was where each of us (seven girls) wrote about our 'Origin' one of our defining moments from our lives- I discussed growing up & my family.  Since then I have been inspired- with the amount of dried skeletons in my family's closest, things needed to be exercised.  Nothing too personal- that my siblings or parents or anything would disagree with.... all monologues about the family and family members, all from one point of view.  Some will be beautiful- some will be sad.  It will be my family.

I'm really excited to write it, I've already written a few.  Eventually I'll put it into a book or publish it or something.... it's enough to write about.  

SO those are my plans- I just thought I'd update this blog and & let my few readers or whoever' interested hear some of my future plans.  I'm currently in Cedar for one more week- attending ACTF like I stated earlier in St. George @ Dixie State college.  All of us are real depressed it's not in California like the last two years.  Tomorrow would have meant Disneyland, a tradition it's been for us all to go on the first day (registration "nothing happening" day) at ACTF (which stands for the American College Theatre Festival, for those who don't know).  A week of plays, performances, competitions & for me 'Origins' & 'Next Step' auditions- where I'll be able to have one audition for like 15 representatives of Theatre Company's around the region 8 area.  So here's my fingers crossed for a summer acting gig!

My heart & well wishes go out to my family at this time, especially my mom, keemo (losing weight as ever) & my sister who've been sick since I've left.  Strep, bronchitus- the works it seems like.

Alison- keep up with the Harry Potter (reading it for the first time!)

Hope all of you are well- and again, I'll try to be better with the bloggings.  Expect the new projects I spoke of to surface sometime in the next month- names yet to be chosen.

Signing out!

Ever contradictory

The role of contradiction is apparent in the changes of direction Brook himself has chosen throughout his career, through Shakespeare, commercial comedy, television, cinema and opera: ‘I’ve really spent all my working life in looking for opposites,’ Brook suggested in an interview with The Times. ‘This is a dialectical principle of finding a reality through opposites.’³⁸ He emphasises the role of contradiction as a means of awakening understanding, taking Elizabethan drama as an example: ‘Elizabethan drama was exposure, it was confrontation, it was contradiction and it led to analysis, involvement, recognition and, eventually, to an awakening of understanding.’³⁹ Contradiction is not destructive, but a balancing force. It has its role to play in the genesis of all processes. The absence of contradiction would lead to general homogenisation, a dwindling of energy and eventual death. ‘Whatever contains contradiction … contains the world,’ claims Lupasco, whose conclusions are based on quantum physics.⁴⁰ Brook points out the constructive role of negation in the theatre of Beckett: ‘Beckett does not say ‘no’ with satisfaction: he forges his merciless ‘no’ out of a longing for ‘yes,’ and so his despair is the negative from which the contour of its opposite can be drawn.

yup. That's how I feel.

Light Before We Land

In cases such as these I'd like a hand

Don't wake me up without a master plan

With silence I'm becoming fragile 

Don't you understand?

When things that once were beautiful

Are bland

And when I feel like I can feel once again

Let me stay awhile

Soak it in awhile

If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong

Buy a little time

For this head of mine

Haven for us

In truth there is no better place to be

Than falling out of darkness still to see

Without a premonition

Could you tell me where we stand?

I'd hate to lose this light

Before we land

And when I feel like I can feel once again

Let me stay awhile

Soak it in awhile

If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong

Buy a little time

For this head of mine

Haven for us

Before we let euphoria

Convince us we are free

Remind us how we used to feel

Before when life was real

And when I feel like I can feel once again

Let me stay awhile

Soak it in awhile

If we can hold on we can fix what is wrong

Buy a little time

For this head of mine

Haven for us 

If you'd like to hear this actual song- scroll down to the very bottom.  It's on my playlist (towards the bottom).  Enjoy!

Promised Conclusion of Hiatus!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOUFIE!!

I've been gone (absent) from my blog for quite some time. I've probably killed off all of two followers that I think used to read my blog and keep up with me- IT'S TIME TO GET 'EM BACK!

I want my blog back and so I will be getting it back in gear. That means writing @ least once a week- and updating some of the old things and stuff. Things change. Things progress. That's good.

So just a few things that are new... hmmm....

I'm still in Cedar City Utah but that soon will change as I will be moving up to SLC in

December. How permanent will that be? Depends.

I've auditioned for the Utah Shakespearean traveling tour- which would be oh so sweet! It would be from January-April, and it would go through Utah, Nevada, Idaho, Arizona and parts of California. I'D GET PAID TO fool around & act. Making money is priority 1 these days, so that would be great.

So yeah. Maybe one of the reasons that I didn't post so many things is not much has been going on lately. I'm still working in the box office of the Utah Shakespearean Festival- and I'm participating in an independent project with some of my friends here @ SUU in a production called Life without Parole.

It's a play based on brief interviews with female convicts who've been victims of domestic abuse. I play Helen Broker who is up for parole and has to plead her case. There are five main beautiful stories that all bleed together towards the end of the show & it's been very rewarding.

And to be honest I should really get back to memorizing...

We go up next weekend.

And as with time a lot has changed & a lot has stayed exactly the same. I'm excited to go to my sisters... I think 3rd Annual Adoption Walk. It's this Saturday in Salt Lake City. I'm looking forward to seeing my family and seeing PINBACK on November 7th @ the Depot. That should be really fun & I'll put up pictures.

So again- nothing much to talk about- and that makes for riveting blog entries I'm sure. I just basically wanted to update all those that do read this- that more riveting blog entries will be coming soon.

WHAT I HEAR:

(what I'm listening to as of now)

MUSE

The Resistance

(released September 09)

GRIZZLY BEAR

Veckatimest

(released May 09)

Random Story, Seeking Second Chances

Pay no attention to this, unless you want to take the time to read it.  It is just something from 'Braid' that I wanted to keep.

Chapter 1  

At a cafe on a bright plaza, most customers sit back, feeling the warmth of  the sun, enjoying their cold drinks. But not Tim - he barely notices the sun,  

doesn't really taste his coffee. For him this corner affords a good view of the  city, and in the teetering of the passers-by, in the arc of a shop-girl's 

hand  as she displays tea to an interested gentleman, Tim hopes to see clues.  

That night at the cinema, fictitious adventurers lunge implausibly across the  screen. The audience here is mixed. 

Some are patrons of the cafe, now sitting  excitedly in the plush chairs, eager for another new flavor, for distraction  from the boredom of their 

easy lives. Other seats hold fisherman and farm  workers, hoping to forget their toils and rest their hands.  Tim is here too, but he is scrutinizing 

the gloss on the lips on the screen,  measuring the angle of the plume of a distant helicopter crash. He thinks he  discerns a message, when the cinema

 closes and most of the audience strolls  down the plaza to the south, Tim goes north.  People like Tim seem to live oppositely from the other residents

 of the city.  Tide and riptide, flowing against each other.  Tim wants, like nothing else, to find the Princess, to know her at last. For Tim this would

 be momentous, sparking an intense light that embraces the world, a light that reveals the secrets long kept from us, that illuminates - or  materializes! -

 a final palace where we can exist in peace.  But how would this be perceived by the other residents of the city, in the  world that flows contrariwise? 

The light would be intense and warm at the  beginning, but then flicker down to nothing, taking the castle with it; it  would be like burning down the 

place we've always called home, where we played  so innocently as children. Destroying all hope of safety, forever.    

Chapter 2: Time and Forgiveness  

Tim is off on a search to rescue the Princess. She has been snatched by a  horrible and evil monster. This happened because Tim made a mistake.  

Not just one. He made many mistakes during the time they spent together, all  those years ago. Memories of their relationship have become muddled, 

replaced  wholesale, but one remains clear: the princess turning sharply away, her braid  lashing at him with contempt.  

He knows she tried to be forgiving, but who can just shrug away a guilty lie, a stab in the back? Such a mistake will change a relationship irreversibly,  

even if we have learned from the mistake and would never repeat it. The  princess's eyes grew narrower. She became more distant. 

Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving them too readily, we can be badly hurt. 

But if we've learned from a mistake and became better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for  the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?"  

"What if our world worked differently? Suppose we could tell her: 'I didn't  mean what I just said,' and she would say: 'It's okay, I understand,' and she  would not turn away, 

and life would really proceed as though we had never said  that thing? We could remove the damage but still be wiser for the experience." 

 "Tim and the Princess lounge in the castle garden, laughing together, giving  names to the colorful birds. Their mistakes are hidden from each other,

 tucked  away between the folds of time, safe.  

Chapter 3: Time and Mystery

All those years ago, Time had left the Princess behind. 

He had kissed her on  the neck, picked up his travel bag, and walked out the door. He regrets this, to a degree. Now he's journeying to find her again, 

to show her knows how sad it was, but also to tell her how good it was.  For a long time, he thought they had been cultivating the perfect  relationship. 

He had been fiercely protective, reversing all his mistakes so  they would not touch her. Likewise, keeping a tight rein on her own mistakes, 

she always pleased him.  

But to be fully couched within the comfort of a friend is a mode of existence  with severe implications. 

To please you perfectly, she must understand you  perfectly. Thus you cannot defy her expectations or escape her reach. 

Her benevolence has circumscribed you, and your life's achievements will not reach  beyond the map she has drawn."   "Tim needed to 

be non-manipulable. He needed a hope of transcendence. He  needed, sometimes, to be immune to the Princess's caring touch.  

Off in the distance, Tim saw a castle where the flags flutter even when the  wind has expired, and the bread in the kitchen is always warm. 

A little bit of  magic.

    "Chapter 4: Time and Place"  

Visiting his home for a holiday meal, Tim felt as though he had regressed to  those long-ago years when he lived under 

their roof, oppressed by their  insistence on upholding strange values which, to him, were meaningless. Back then, bickering would erupt over drops of 

gravy spilt onto the tablecloth."  "Escaping, Tim walked in the cool air toward the university he'd attended after  moving out of his parent's home. 

As he distanced himself from that troubling  house, he felt the embarrassment of childhood fading into the past. But now he  stepped into all the 

insecurities he'd felt at the university, all the panic of  walking a social tightrope."  "Tim only felt relieved after the whole visit was over, 

sitting back home in  the present, steeped in contrast he saw how he'd improved so much from those  old days. This improvement, day by day, 

takes him ever-closer to finding the  Princess. If she exists - she must! - she will transform him, and everyone.  He felt on his trip that every place

 stirs up an emotion, and every emotion  invokes a memory: a time and location. So couldn't he find the Princess now, tonight, just by wandering 

from place to place and noticing how he feels?  A trail of feelings, of awe and inspiration, should lead him to that castle in  the future her arms 

enclosing him, her scent fills him with excitement, creates  a moment so strong he can remember it in the past.  Immediately Tim walked out his

 door, the next morning, toward whatever the new day held. He felt something like optimism.  

Chapter 5: Time and Decision

She never understood the impulses that drove him, never quite felt the  intensity that, over time, chiseled lines into 

his face. She never quite felt  close enough to him - but he held her as though she were, whispered into her  ear words that only a soul mate should receive.

 Over the remnants of dinner, they both knew the time had come.  He would have  said: 'I have to go find the Princess,' but he didn't need to. Giving a final kiss, hoisting a travel bag to his shoulder, he walked out the door.  Through  all the nights that followed, she still loved him as though he stayed, to  

comfort her and protect her, Princess be damned.  

Chapter 6: Hesitance

Perhaps in a perfect world, the ring would be a symbol of happiness. 

It's a  sign of ceaselessness devotion: even if he will never find the Princess, he will always be trying. He still will wear the ring.  But the thing makes

 its presence known. It shines out to others like a beacon  of warning. It makes people slow to approach. Suspicion, distrust. Interactions are torpedoed

 before Tim can open his mouth."  "In time he learns to deal with the others carefully. He matches their hesitant  pace, tracing a soft path through their

 defenses. But this exhausts him, and it  only works to a limited degree. It doesn't get him what he needs.  Tim begins to hide the ring in his pocket.

 But he can hardly bear it - too long tucked away, that part of him might suffocate.  

Epilogue  

The boy called for the girl to follow him, and he took her hand. He would  protect her; they would make their way through this oppressive castle, 

fighting  off the creatures made of smoke and doubt, escaping to a life of freedom. The  boy wanted to protect the girl. He held her hand, or put his 

arm around her  shoulders in a walking embrace, to help her feel supported and close to him  amid the impersonal throngs of Manhattan. They turned 

and made their way toward the Canal St. subway station, and he picked a path through the jostling crowd.  He worked his ruler and his compass. He

 inferred. He deduced. He scrutinized  the fall of an apple, the twisting of metal orbs hanging from a thread. He was  searching for the Princess, and 

he would not stop until he found her, for he  was hungry. He cut rats into pieces to examine their brains, implanted tungsten  posts into the skulls of

 water-starved monkeys.  He scrutinized the fall of an apple, the twisting of metal orbs hanging from a  thread. Through these clues he would find the 

Princess, see her face. After an especially fervent night of tinkering, he kneeled behind a bunker in the  desert; he held a piece of welder's glass up to

 his eyes and waited.  On that moment hung eternity. Time stood still. Space contracted to a  pinpoint. It was as though the earth had opened and 

the skies split. One felt  as though he had been privileged to witness the Birth of the World... Someone near him said: 'It worked.'

"Someone else said: 'Now we are all sons of bitches.'" 

The candy store. Everything he wanted was on the opposite side of that pane of  glass. The store was decorated in bright colors, and the scents wafting

 out  drove him crazy. He tried to rush for the door, or just get closer to the  glass, but he couldn't. She held him back with great strength. Why 

would she  hold him back? How might he break free of her grasp? He considered violence.  He cannot say he has understood all of this. Possibly he's 

more confused now than ever. But all these moments he's contemplated - something has occurred.  The moments feel substantial in his mind, 

like stones. Kneeling, reaching down  toward the closest one, running his hand across it, he finds it smooth, and  slightly cold.  He tests the stone's 

weight; he finds he can lift in, and the others too. He can fit them together to create a foundation, an embankment, a castle.  To build a castle 

of appropriate size, he will need a great many stones. But what he's got now, feels like an acceptable start...  

The End